Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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