This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
