my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Found your dick twin last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
