Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
