there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We left an ass print on the piano.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
