i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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