It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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