you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
