it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
