Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
