chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
