Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
