would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
