This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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