dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
