Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
