yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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