John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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