he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
