you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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