I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
