Your face is a jimmy john
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
