I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
