And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
