OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
