my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
