I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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