I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
