the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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