Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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