Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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