Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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