White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
