alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
