I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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