her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
