i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
