If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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