can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
