No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
