How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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