I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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