i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
