I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
