Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
