Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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