I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
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