To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
