so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
