remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
