There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
