drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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