I seem to have left my pride at pride
it hurts more in the daytime
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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