I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
