i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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