She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
