That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
