If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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