you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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