1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
