Operation Purity has been aborted
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
