I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
birth control should be required to get into college
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize