ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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