some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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