I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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