I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
