my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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